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But often our only response is,  "They are resilient."

Dear Colleague, At Egelston Children's Hospital in Atlanta, I made the most difficult hospital visit of my ministry. As I checked in at the nurses station, the nurse asked, "After you are done visiting your patient (a teenage girl suffering with anorexia nervosa) would you look in on the family with the baby who had a strange blood disorder? All of his limbs were amputated." The grandmother was sitting beside the wagon the little one year old guy was in. All four limbs were bandaged where the amputations occurred. The grandmother looked at me, with an anguished, questioning look that I will never forget. That visit was almost thirty years ago. Why did I wake today with that memory? Was it in answer to the prayer of Thomas a Kempis that I have been praying? "Grant me, O Lord, to know what I ought to know, to love what I ought to love, to praise what delights You most, to value what is precious in Your sight, to hate what is offensive to You.” Amen. Certainly, this memory would be in answer to "hate what is offensive to you." My one time visit to that infant and grandmother was brief, but the family's trauma was for the rest of their lives. How did they navigate the traumatic storm and how did the innocent child grow and learn to live in a world that is difficult for people with four limbs? Did they have questions like Ann Voskamp's dad did when her little sister was killed? (Click HERE for Ann's website and information on her book One Thousand Gifts.) "I was done with all of that (church, faith, God)… And, if there really is anybody up there, they sure were asleep at the wheel that day... Why let a beautiful little girl die such a senseless, needless death? And she didn't just die. She was killed." (One Thousand Gifts, Voskamp, p. 13) Maybe reading that book had something to do with stirring up the hospital memory--along with my continual wrestling with what it means to be a care pastor and walk with people whose lives will never be the same again. I've also been reading Psalm 136 almost every day and wondering what it really means, "Give thanks to the God of gods, His love endures forever." It is NOT our purpose, as Care Pastors, to draw attention to ourselves or our church and be with them so we feel more important or valuable in the lives of suffering people. Nor are we there to help them feel better or even help them feel cared for, until they feel better. Feeling better, might never come, when or in the way we wish it would. We are there to walk with them so, in the safety of a caring relationship, they can express their anguish for as long as they need to, knowing they are being heard, and without judgment or impatience. Then, a miraculous healing can begin to take place, one breath and one moment at a time. Like a soft candle bringing a gentle light to darkness, a glimmer of love flickers. It is slow. It might take a whole life time and may never be complete until it is experienced in Heaven. Remembering our place in such a dark circumstance is a challenge and a relief. We are an instrument God uses to do His work and bring His healing. "We are the care giver, God is the cure giver," we are taught in Stephen Ministry. Honored to be present, our work matters. But it is God working through us that does the healing. We wait with the grieving Dad and the suffering grandmother, for God to do his work in hope that someday, they can say, even from an aching soul, "Thanks to the God of gods, His love endures forever." It is a great and beautiful mystery that God calls us to care so people in need feel His care. May he give us strength to keep caring, until His care breaks through in the life of the suffering. Your care matters! Your life matters, Chaplain Dan Rev. Daniel R. Hettinger 303.905.0478 "The purpose of The Best Care Ministry Network is to share ideas and resources with care ministries throughout the faith community and bring together leaders in Care Ministry to establish best practices of Care Ministry so that we build a culture that cares, for the good of people and the glory of God."

Spring is warming trends, new growth, showers and, for me, remembering surgery and getting ready for more scans. As I write to you today, I'm thankful to be sitting at my desk in my study and looking out the picture window at a very wet spring. This week last year, I was lying here in a hospital bed, in the early stages of recovery from my bone cancer surgery.

You need to see oncology tomorrow." The 25th it will be one year since I received that call. I will never forget. Since then I have had a huge surgery, been through six months of in-patient, in-home and out patient therapy, made a remarkable recovery and twice, received the "all-clear" after CT scans! During that time I also lost two friends to cancer: Dan Harder, who helped me launch my podcast (coming soon!) and Richard Powell, a colleague in care ministry. Cancer changes everything, even when you make a recovery. There is always the chance of recurrence, which is usually more dangerous than the first occurrence and now I know it can happen to me. I have adjusted to the strange feelings in my hip that, according to my doctor, "Will be permanent reminders of what my body has been through." With much thankfulness I can say, "My schedule and activities have returned to normal." For too many people a cancer diagnosis is the beginning of a life filled with radical adjustments and panful battles. The cancer diagnosis is the unwelcome beginning-of-the-end for some. When one receives the news "you have cancer," it is date that is unforgettable. CAKE (click for more info), the largest end-of-life platform on the internet, founded by MIT and Harvard alumni, introduced me to a good word for that day--CANCERVERSARY. "A cancerversary is fully personal to anyone with cancer or a deep connection to it. A cancerversary can be any milestone throughout your journey with cancer or the journey of someone you love. These milestones can be positive, negative, or somewhere in between. With any disease, there are likely high points and low points. But, as you may know, there is beauty, even in the valleys of life. If you’re wondering just how much cancerversaries can differ from one person to the next, here are a few examples. That being said, any person may have more than one cancerversary, especially if they went through extensive treatment. Some potential cancerversaries include: The date of a diagnosis The date of a surgery The date of the start of a round of treatment The final day of a round of treatment The day you or learned you were in remission (or someone you love) The day someone you love died of cancer How Do You Celebrate a Cancerversary? There really are no rules when it comes to celebrating a cancerversary. You can treat it just as you would any other birthday or holiday. Depending on who the guest of honor is, you can even have traditions or a set of guidelines that you follow each year. Or, they can change accordingly... When you or a loved one is sick, time may take on a different meaning. You may not look at the year as a typical calendar. Instead, you may be focusing on treatment schedules or checkups. But, that being said, you may also cherish each and every moment that much more. Cancerversaries provide an opportunity to celebrate or take pause, even in the chaos of it all. It’s crucial to take time to enjoy your life — ill or not... This is a great idea to help you look back on the good memories with loved ones, even if it may be painful at times. Not being able to look back would be more painful, after all. " (From the CAKE website). Before I learned the word, I could feel the significance of the date stirring in my emotions. Instead of the excitement of a happy holiday, I felt a vague and general sense of anxiety dominating my mood over the last week or two. Feelings of vulnerability and irritability that cancer is now part of my life were mingled with gratitude that I am cancer free today. My cancerversary is personal. I don't expect others to remember or understand what it means to me--I am still trying to figure out the full impact of my cancerversary. But, the way that I will celebrate my cancerversary is decided. I will re-read all of the cards that people sent me and review my Facebook and CaringBridge messages. I've organized and saved all of my cards and I'm in the process of sending a "Thanks for Journeying with me" card, with a personal message, to everyone who sent one to me. This experience awakens in me the reality of the love and help of God and the value and support of friends. From now on, when I hear people talk about how many years they have been cancer free, or reminisce their day of diagnosis, surgery or chemo/radiation treatments, I will listen more attentively and ask them to describe the moods and details of that defining moment in their life. By pausing to recognize someone's cancerversary, whether with tears or excitement, you will help them celebrate and feel cared for. Your care matters! Your life matters, Chaplain Dan Rev. Daniel R. Hettinger 303.905.0478