In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18I

Thanksgiving is a time when the Christian faith with verses like the one above can feel impossible for the grieving peron. Stories of the pilgrims are equally challenging.

So as we express thanks and encourage others to be thankful, we need to be careful when we help the grieving be thankful.

One of the most inspirational accounts of the Pilgrims was their expression of Thanksgiving in 1622 --their third November (second year) in their new land. Failed crops, unexpected new settlers and debt to those who brought them here in November 1620, left them near starvation.

"At one point, a daily ration of food for a Pilgrim was 5 kernels of corn. With a simple faith that God would sustain them, no matter what, they pulled through. History records that not a single one of them died from starvation that winter. Not a one." * And they gave thanks!

The story of the Pilgrims inspires and the instruction to give thank in everything is something we feel like we should do.

But, it is normal and appropriate to struggle to give thanks when grieving. 

• Allow the grieving not to be thanful. What is missing in thier life is bigger at a time of grief than all the blessings they possess.
• Avoid saying thankful clichés that miss the pain of the loss. When we are supporting someone who is in grief we can cause damage if we try and get them to be thankful by wrongly saying things like, "We are thankful their  (the deceased) suffering is over," or "You can be thankful for the time you had with them." Such insensitive statements have often been spoken with good intentions but poor judgment and terrible results.

The time will come in a person's grief process when they will be able to give thanks again.

In the stages of grief as taught by John Bowlby, the time will come when the shock and acute emotional pain stages of grief will have passed and, even in loss, the grieving person will be able to experience joy and positive emotions again.

Thankfulness is poweruful.

When the grieving are finally able to give than it will have been worth the wait. The unforced thanfulness that emerges from the darkest time when only what was missing could felt, will be as welcome as the sunrise after a cold, dark night. The ability to see blessing and express thanks, will not take the pain away, but will bring emotions that make life worth living and memories valuable and to be sweetly savored.

Keep thankfulness in view.

It is good to know and appropriate to teach that even when the circumstances are as difficult and inadequate as 5 kernels of corn, thankfulness is possible.

When we set an example of being thankful we help others be thankful.

I'm thankful that you are caring for people and I hope during this Thanksgiving you will be able to care better than every before.

*This story is taken from the book, Windows II: Book for Those With a Heart for Helping Kids Heal, by Dr. James Sutton. The original source of the material was Marshall and Manuel’s book, The Light and the Glory (Fleming H. Revell, 1977)