GRIEF FINDS US.

Today there are many terrible events that cause grief.

Wars rage and people suffer.

Today was the funeral service for Laken Riley who died a brutal death during a jog. The algorhythms bring up many more horrible cases of wrongful deaths when searching to find more information about Laken and her family.

I've heard too often, "These are troubled times we are living in."

There does not seem to be any solution. We watch reports about these events, on television shows claiming to be news. They do little more than make one side mad at the other. Anger is a normal reaction to grief and being out of control. There is plenty of anger expressed. It is a valid expression of grief but often is unsatisfied after lashing out and causing even more loss. Living in a state of anger is like having emotional cancer.

The other end of the spectrum is to just feel bad. Really bad. Sad, anxious, sullen and depressed. Facing tragedies that we couldn't stop, we live in fear of the next one. Maybe it is just better to not care or medicate the pain away. Those attempts are very unhealthy.

GRIEVING IS VOLUNTARY

We can't help it that we live under a cloud of grief. The losses are everywhere and they are horrible, life changing and irreversible.

SO, HOW CAN WE GRIEVE OUR LOSSES?

1. Identify the loss and all of the various aspects of that loss.
2. Identify the pain that goes along with the loss.
3. Express the loss and the pain to someone you trust. Find someone who will just listen until you feel you have been heard. If you can't find someone, write your feelings in a journal
4. If you are the listener, realize that you can't make a grieving person feel better. They simply need to feel that they have been heard.

Most of us are afraid to grieve. We don't know what will be accomplished. How long will it last? What will I be like as a grieving person?

Going to where the pain is not only painful, but we wonder how or if we will ever be happy again. Will we be stuck there with only our dark emotions, finding no way to live the life we desire?

GRIEVING IS NECESSARY

To not grieve is to live of life under the chronic cloud of grief. The dark emotions do not mysteriously go away over time and the reality of the loss remains.

But when a person grieves, they admit the reality of their loss and come to understand the pain they that is a new part of their life. Unfortunately, they discover that we live in a grieving world. Everybody faces loss, some more than others. It is the most common human experience. Even God grieves. Jesus was, "A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."

When we accept the pain of grief into our soul we are less superficial, more in touch with reality and have the potential to be more compassionate.  We recognize that we are not in control of life, and while that is frightening, searching for the God who is helps us to also become more spiritually alive.

A STRATEGY FOR GRIEVING -- THE MINISTRY OF THE OTHER CHAIR

Beyond the normal support groups for those dealing with the loss of a loved one, we need to bring grief and grieving to the front and center our ministries. Everyone needs to be trained to walk with someone going through loss.

God made the most important things simple. Not easy, but simple. It is not easy because the topic is heavy but it is uncomplicated. Simple.

1. Honor a person with your presence. Sit with them. I call it the ministry of the "other chair." It may be in a living room, the office conference room, the local coffee shop, or on a park bench.
2. Listen as they describe their loss and the pain that they are feeling or how the events of the world make them feel. We need relationships where people can talk about their losses and the losses in our world that affect us all.
3. Stay together for the long haul. You can't care in a hurry and grief lasts a life time. Learning be a friend, mentor, colleague or a person in a supportive role, will be valuable beyond measure. I think we can do better than we are.

We all experience emotional pain when we hear about the horrors of the Russia Ukraine and the Israel Hamas wars.

On the home front crime causes loss. Many who commit crimes have ungrieved losses in their lives. Poverty, addiction, abuse and trauma add to the cycle of grief and loss.

Somehow, we must break the cycle. It will require more than a few pastor's sermons, or a graduating class of therapists to make a dent on helping our society become emotionally responsible and compassionate. Churches and care ministries can show the way, and equip people to be the meaningful listeners. The world is hurting and the pain will not just go away. Time does not heal all wounds!

Without dumbing down the complexity of grief, we must simplify the strategy to help a grieving world so that the masses will become involved.

LET'S DO SOMETHING.

1. Watch and share the grief video on our website. Go to the Listen page at www.BestCareMinistry.com and find the 2 minute 59 second video on Grief and Loss. Then share it with as many people as you can. Encourage them to sit in a chair with someone and talk about the painful issues in their lives and in the world.
2. Leave a comment and/or send me an email and lets discuss how we can collaborate to make an impact in our families, churches, neighborhoods and our culture.

We are a culture living with grief. Here is something we can do. May God help us make a difference as we work and live in this time of history.