His wife died a few months ago.

The two of us sat together in his living room and he poured out the difficult story of her death, his care for her and how much he misses her.

For much of her adult she suffered with Rheumatoid Arthritis. He was well acquainted with caregiving. I know a handful of men that deserve the highest level of respect for the way each cared for a sick wife with an "in sickness and health' commitment. This man is near the top of that short list.

In the final years she could hardly move. Caregivers from an agency helped during the day and he mustered the strength each evening to assume his caregiver duties, after a full day at the office, . 

Alzheimer's Disease advanced with its complications . Her needs were all consuming and he gave his all.

"You need to call hospice." Sometimes doctors are reluctant to say it, but wise and courageous doctors do when they discern the situation is terminal.

"Somehow, I thought she would survive hospice."

Then he showed me the text with the hospice nurse on his wife's final day. He won't delete this text. It represents a sacred day when his wife of over four decades passed from this life into the next.

There were many details describing the extent of the care and suffering.

He misses caring for her and would have her back in a moment.

I was honored to sit in the "other chair" and hear their story. It gave me the opportunity, in a small way, to participate in the sacred experience.

He spontaneously invited me into that space with his open sharing.  I didn't even need to ask many questions--just sit in the other chair and let him express his memories and sadness.

Everyone experiences grief. It is the most common human experience.

Not all grieve.

Grieving involves sitting in one chair and finding someone to sit in another chair so the one in grief can tell their story. Sometimes it is God in the other chair while the grieving person prays their pain. Other times it is a journal when they log their story. Hopefully many find a friend, Stephen Minister or Care Pastor who will sit and listen. Occasionally, it is a combination of all three.

If they pour out their heart, they probably wanted and needed to, even if the need was subconscious. Your presence in the other chair made it possible. 

When you give someone the opportunity to share what you do matters,
.

Your life matters, 

Chaplain Dan
Rev. Daniel R. Hettinger
303.905.0478