"Hospice, I thought, is where you go to die.

I didn't want to even talk about that."

Cyndi's  story of grief turns into a story of care when as she discovers the level  of care, comfort, and love experienced in hospice care.

"Paul’s colon cancer came back after 1 ½ years of remission. Our lives were turned upside down again with chemo and treatment. 

I could tell that it was serious and everyone knows cancer is dangerous but we were still hoping for good results. The avalanche of doctors and treatments was overwhelming. We were constantly confronted with decisions to make about subjects that were foreign to us.

I remember driving home one night from church and I told my sister-in-law, I felt like I had another person dying on my watch and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. While all of this was going on I kept thinking, 'This can't be happening. This isn't real. I've lost my son and my sister. Will my husband leave me too?' I thought that the next round of chemo or surgery might work and the nightmare would be over. Paul was strong, resilient, entrepreneurial and purposeful. He was too full of life to die and had so many plans ahead to please God and help others.

Paul went in for a simple procedure. The next thing we knew, we were in ICU. The thought of preparing for death didn't make any sense even though all the signs were there. The first time I heard the word 'palliative care' was soon after I met Chaplain Dan in ICU. Hospice I thought is where you go to die, so I didn't want to even talk about that. I wasn’t ready for that. It took about a week for my mind to wrap around the idea of hospice.

Good days were confusing. Was Paul getting better or was God just giving him a few hours or a day of relief from his miserable symptoms?

Reality challenged any false optimism so finally, the oncologist on duty suggested "palliative care”. I looked at Paul and back at the oncologist in disbelief as Paul was in terrible pain and couldn’t even get out of bed..

A few days later when we chose hospice and left the hospital setting, Paul only lived four more days. God helped us and He made those times redemptive but If we had chosen hospice two weeks or even one or two months earlier, the precious family times would have been even better."

I know now that Hospice, whether at home or inpatient, is a more comfortable and quieter place for family and patient to spend precious time together. The time can be 6 months, a few weeks, a few days. Patients can and do come back from Hospice and recover. It is not a place of death, but a place of comfort and love, where the legacy of the loved one is felt, heard, and shared."

In the hospital context and when people are going through an experience for the first time, they do the best they can under the circumstances. How can we help them so they get the most out of their final days?

In part three of Cyndi's story we will continue to looks for answers.

This is difficult work but what you do matters. Cyndi and I hope that her story delivered in this post help you care better than ever.