The value and impact of a caring relationship is beyond measure. So we must protect each person and every relationship!

When two people share the emotions of a personal need expressed through presence and listening over an extended time, the level of intimacy brings some risks. Each of the people involved and any ministry or organization that provides caring relationships should intensely protect it with these safeguards.

Be trustworthy.

 Both people must be trusted to maintain confidentiality, but especially the caregiver. If the care receiver wants to tell others about their need, and that you are supporting them, that is up to them. But the caregiver should never divulge personal and potentially damaging information about the care receiver, the need or even the caring relationship.

THERE ARE A FEW EMERGENT EXCEPTIONS.

When a person  has engaged in or been a victim of child abuse or elder abuse, then you need to report them to your ministry leaders AND the appropriate legal authorities (The Department of Child and Family Services – the name may be different in your state or county.

If a person states that they are going to hurt themself or someone else you need to call 911 and ask for a Crisis Intervention Officer and/or the call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline1.800.273.TALK 8255).

But otherwise, you should NOT:

·      Share the information with anyone other than your care ministry lead.

·      Share the information as a prayer request.

·      Tell others who you are meeting with or caring for.

·      Tell your spouse or family members who you are meeting with or for what purpose.

Your family will know you are a caring person who frequently meets with people. Occasionally they will discover who you are meeting with. Sometimes, when you meet at a public place such as a coffee shop, you will see people that you both know. You simply engage as if you are friends out for coffee, but you do not reveal what you are talking about or why and the same applies to your family.

Trustworthy people are dependable. You should keep appointments and if you are going to be late or need to cancel a meeting, you notify the person with as much time as possible.

A breach of trust can hurt people, damage the credibility of a ministry and even have legal liabilities.

Establish Boundaries

 A healthy caring relationship provides personal space for the care giver and the care receiver with a boundary in between. Neither one crosses the boundary without the other’s permission.

Some people are codependent. You do not want to exhibit this behavior and caution should be made to prevent this person from being involved in a caring ministry. They thrive on other people’s needs and becomes too involved in telling them what to do and they gain their sense of  importance by helping someone fix their problems. Often they become so involved in the problems they go beyond where they are wanted and they lose themselves in the process. If  this might be a temptation to you, having boundaries as an agreed upon practice will help everyone be safe and participate in healthy caring relationships.

Caring relationships are to help people walk through their problems. With the proper care, a care receiver will find the solution to their problem. You are not the solution.

You also need to protect yourself from the overly needy care receiver. This person ask for favors that cross the boundary. They may want money or call too often or at inappropriate times. It is proper to not allow such behavior.

Work Together

 Offering care is usually provided in a one-to-one relationship. That is the emphasis of this training program.

However,  you should be alone in your caregiving. Seek a person in leadership in your church, ministry or organization with whom you can regularly discuss the nature, interactions and progress of your caring relationship. This is not a breach of confidentiality, because the care receiver should know that you have this level of support and accountability.

Working together will help you do a better job. Discussion will bring an additional, less invested perspective for more objective input to diagnose the need, measure the progress of the relationship and recognize warning signals of unhealthy behavior from either side.

Working together provides encouragement. When you care over the long haul, there will be times you will wonder if what you are doing matters. You will need to have someone who will listen to you about your concerns and support you with their presence, prayers and, if appropriate, words of encouragement.

Working together prevents gossip. When someone knows what you are doing in your caring relationship, where you meet and who you are with, the chance of unhealthy gossip or mean spirited accusations will be greatly diminished.

Worthing together provides structure. Your caregiving relationship will be a rewarding adventure of making a profound difference in someone’s life. In this critical time of their need, you will support them as they move forward to face their future. Your impact will be beyond measure. Since so much of the future is unknown, and the benefits are beyond measure, working with a leader provides a structure of reporting, planning meetings and, when the time comes, transitioning out of the relationship. When you work together you will not enter an all consuming relationship, with no direction and a commitment that you cannot get out of.

Caring relationships are valuable beyond measure. You are too. So, when caring, be careful.