What can we do when a mother miscarries or a baby dies at birth?

There are few things more emotionally gut-wrenching than the unexpected loss of a baby. When we as Pastors, Care Pastors, Ministry Leaders, colleagues or friends are called to support the family who has just experienced this loss, it is hard to know what to do.

A Naming Ceremony is one thing we may be able to do, if the parents want it.

By all means, avoid filling the awkward silence with misguided words that do not comfort. "You are young, you can have another." "God needed them in Heaven." "It is a blessing in disguise." "They are an angel now." "They don't have to experience the pain of this world." "This must be God's plan."

The young couple I was visiting was heartbroken to discover, during one of their prenatal doctor appointments, that there was no heart beat. A few hours later, she gave birth to a lifeless baby. She held her and loved her and grieved that she would never get to see her grow up.

When my wife miscarried our second child we didn't know anything about this beautiful naming ceremony, so we didn't know how to respond to our loss. I think I would have been better at supporting my wife if I had identified the loss of our child, instead of a miscarriage that my wife endured.

I was introduced to this ceremony in the hospital where I was a Chaplain.

After introducing the ceremony to this couple that probably did not know about it, the mother quickly replied that she wanted to name the little girl that was not born alive.

A Naming Ceremony
The ceremony begins with a prayer.

"Lord, God, we are gathered to share our faith. Right now, the mystery of life and death is overwhelming. Help these young parents to believe and trust in your goodness and wisdom, at a time when human understanding falls short. Amen."

"The word of the Lord came to Jeremiah, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you...' We name this child today so that we may remember her coming among us and we ask God to bless our remembering."

To the parents, "What will you name this child?"

They reply, "We name her _________________."

Then I declare, "O child whom we have known for such a short time, we call you _____________. Receive this name as a sign of your uniqueness to us and before God. By this name you will be remembered."

There may be another scripture and prayer. The program can be printed and saved to memorialize this day. T

Even though the ceremony is brief, the impact lasts a life time. It is not a time for many words, but for a few meaningful words that brings a moment of meaning to the chaos of trauma

In most communities, and online there are grief resources available to address this special grief. They are offered by people who have experienced a similiar pain.

Mothers In Sympathy and Support (MISS) Foundation: missfoundation.org

Colorado Pregnancy and Newborn Loss: ColoradoPregnancyLoss.org

Still A Part of Us: stillapartofus.com Here you will find stoires and help through writing, podcasts and YouTube.

When you help someone who has experienced the loss of a baby, your ministry will be valuable beyond measure. I hope this post helps you care better than ever before.