Let the hope of Christmas enter your darkest place.

The boy in his mid teens told me, "My dad was my hunting buddy. He was my best friend. Now, he is gone. Because of cancer, I lost him."

His sad story continued, "I began to adjust. My mom got a boy friend and he and I were getting along pretty well, when he died in an accident. I used to believe, go to church and youth group, but I don't believe any more."

I can't bring his dad back, nor the man who was beginning to fill an important role. But if I could help to reignite a flicker of faith in him, he would not have to lose his faith, too.

But, trying to make sense out of nonsense is impossible and pat answers such as, "Your dad is in a better place," or "God has a plan we don't understand," only makes things worse. 

The challenge to do and say the correct thing is even more challenging at Christmas when our culture has an "obsession" with excitement.

It's bad enough as a griever to hear, 'I am sooooo excited!' It's the next part that wounds: 'Aren't you excited?' Generally, the season fanatics want parties that have pizzazz (ie white-elephant gifts with loud and hilarious laughter), Christmas musicals and programs that dazzle and gifts that provoke speechlessness..." (From A Decembered Grief--Living with Loss While Others are Celebrating, Harold Ivan Smith, pp. 26, 27).

That's why the Blue Christmas service is my favorite service of the Christmas season. It has all the right ingredients. Even if you don't have a Blue Christmas service, there are lessons to help you provide care that transcends our grief at Christmas.

1. It acknowledges and validates sadness and not being in the mood to celebrate. It is not our job to make the grieving person feel better but to make them feel like they have been heard. This service recognizes where they are emotional and gives them the opportunity to express it, if they want to. Listening to that greiving teen age boy, gave him the opportunity to voice his complaint with someone who validated who he was and where he was in his grief and spiritual place of darkness. His emotions became more of a question. I could answer him with the hope that he did not need to lose his faith also, but he could invite a compassionate God into his broken world.

2. People have the opportunity to gather with people who, at least in part, understand. They are not alone and can feel normal with their grief.

3. An opportunity to celebrate still exists. Celebration does not need to be loud and full of "fa la la, la la la" to feel like Christmas. Sure, the angels sang to the shepherds, but other than that, the first Christmas was dark, humble and hard to understand.

4. There is a transcendent message at Christmas. God left Heaven to be with mankind, to redeem the brokenness of the human condition and all of creation. That plan and its execution has been in place from almost the beginning of time and it extends into the eternal future. We should not say, "Don't feel bad because everything is going to be okay,' but we can say, "Let the hope of Christmas enter your darkest place. It might seem as small as a star light in the night sky or a candle on a dark night, but some day, the ultimate plan of God will be completed. He will wipe tears from your eyes. The hope of that plan is made real in the historical event of Christmas. "

But for now, we continue to shed tears in our grief and search for the message that brings comfort and hope. I was honored to lead a Blue Christmas service and help a boy who has lost his dad, a parent who has lost a child, a husband who has lost a wife..., and all who grieve, to find a gentle light of hope begin to shine in their grieving soul.

Providing support for the grieving matters, especially at this time of year. How you care matters!!

I hope this post helps you care better than ever before.